AM I BEING TOO PICKY?
a matchmaker and dating expert, the biggest frustration I have is
watching GREAT people overlook other GREAT people for what are in my
Here's a fun little test that will
reveal to you the answer to the question, "Am I being too picky?" Take
a look at the last 10 to 20 'Candidates' who've crossed your path.
People you've dated, people you've selected through an online service,
or just people you've met through your world whom you found
interesting, attractive, and date-worthy. Go ahead – make the list. And
start keeping this list and adding to it into the future. Every person
you find date-worthy…write his name on your list.
note by that person's name if he/she was also interested in YOU. Did
this person pursue you? Was he/she attracted to you? Did this candidate
"go for" you? OK,
here's the tough part. Now you've got to do the math. I say, if the
percentage of people on your "hot list" who also go for YOU is greater
than 50%, then YIPPEE, you're on track. If, however, a small percentage
of your targeted candidates are interested in and attracted to you,
then…we've got a problem. Tough as it is to accept, if the math shows
you that less than 25% of your targeted date-worthy candidates are also
interested in you, then it's possible, um, well, likely actually that
you're being too picky. What to do about it?
You've got two choices: 1)
Do some serious strategic and proactive marketing to better your
chances in our highly competitive romantic culture (join dating
services and singles clubs and be proactive, develop your flirting
skills, meet lots and lots of people.) 2) Re-evaluate how you are doing your selecting, wrestle with and broaden your search criteria. A
general rule of thumb to follow is - if you're not averaging a better
than 50% "Yes Factor" for the men or women you're targeting, then
you're being too selective and limiting yourself too much to be able to
expect success. Homework
assignment: Make your long list of the criteria you're seeking in your
Go ahead, brainstorm, and have some fun with it. Then take a long
walk and come back to that list. Isolate the Top Three Critical
Criteria. Tough? You bet, but so important. Keep this short list handy,
and notice that as you go through the dating process it might just
change on you. If the guy/gal you're considering has all three of your
Top Three Critical Criteria, then I say, when in doubt, GO FOR IT. Meet
this new person. Still in doubt? Meet again. Still don't know?
more time. We gals have the ability to fall in love over time, for the
right reasons. If the CRITICAL stuff lines up, then I'd suggest (and so
would your mama) saying Yes to meeting and exploring the possibilities
with those who meet your critical criteria. That
magical thing called human bonding doesn't even begin to show up until
date number three. Be willing to stretch on the issues of lesser
importance (height, hair issues, age, income, etc.
Keep the heart and
the eyes open, or heck, blindfold yourself! I often wonder if sightless
singles have an advantage in today's media crazed world. And be willing to be surprised as to whom He or She just might turn out to be!